Proactive-Coach: Divorce

proactive divorce advice


I want to warn you about the effects of the traditional, adversarial divorce, in which you and your spouse fight it off. The goal is for one person to win, and for the other to lose. The strategy is to assign as much blame as possible to the other person. The tactics include costly legal battles.

The outcome? Thousands and thousands of dollars go down the drain in legal fees. There is even more distrust and acrimony between your spouse and you than there was at the beginning. How can this not happen after slinging so much mud at each other? Not to mention emotional scars that will last for years, for you as well as your children.

What does it mean to be proactive?

You look into the future and you see the effects of your actions. If you like the outcome, you keep doing what you're doing. If you don't, you have to do something else.

If you go the adversarial route, the divorce is pretty bleak. This is why I am inviting you to go for the responsible divorce.

What makes a divorce responsible is that the two of you do not indulge in the adversarial, destructive process of the traditional divorce. Your ex and you find a balance between a need for separation and a profound love for what the two of you still have in common: your children.

This is about keeping your integrity and self respect. You do not use the legal system to act out your frustrations. You know that divorce is going to be difficult and painful... so you plan accordingly, and you seek support, not just legal representation. As a result, your divorce turns out to be a growth experience, instead of a nightmare.

See articles from members of the American Responsible Divorce Network.

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Serge Prengel
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