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Turn Insight Into Action: ProactiveChange.com/mind |
The proactive mind: Inviting change through curiosity (& control) |
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Personal growth is not about making some changes in a mechanical way. It is not something you get by following a textbook. Lasting growth comes from harnessing the spirit of exploration that helps you learn from inside out. I'm going to use a metaphor to illustrate this. Let's say you have a problem with your computer (or your car). If you see the computer (or the car) as just a tool, all you want is somebody to fix the problem for you: Fix it, make it work, I don't care what you do, just do it. On the other hand, let's say you don't see the computer (or car) as just a tool. You're curious about how it works. When there is a problem, you see it as an opportunity to better understand how it works. You can manage quite well in life without understanding much about the inner workings of your computer (or car). But, when it comes to your mind, you'll get much more out of it when you see problems as an opportunity to learn more about yourself. This is a very active, creative process. You're opening up to new perspectives, trying out new ideas, and learning from these experiments. Experimenting means finding ways to take greater control of your life in areas where you have felt, until now, less of a sense of ease. Control is not necessarily a defense mechanism, a resistance to change. The problem with control is when people are obsessed with control -- as when people keep trying to control things they can't control. But, otherwise, control is not inherently a dirty word. For instance, in order to become a better driver, you have to learn to better control a powerful machine. Being emotionally and intellectually involved with the process of change puts you in the driver's seat. How does this manifest in our work together? We focus on moving forward. You learn from confronting the inevitable obstacles that come up on the road to making changes. My role is to help you integrate and apply what you’re learning from this process. I don't hold back. I give you straightforward feedback and suggestions. This is an experiential approach: We are not so much analyzing, as we are paying attention to what you are actually experiencing. We explore new options. As you see that you can better manage what happens to you, a "virtuous cycle" takes effect, giving you a growing sense of ease and confidence in areas where you previously didn't. |
mindfulness |
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